CAN WE HAVE A DEEP CONVERSATION?

I don’t know what was happened last week, I am just exhausted. I think that was a silly thing, started from my travel which I usually buy a ticket for going back to Bandung was not opened (there were still on holiday), so that made me was at panic. Then, there were mite(s) at my room so I couldn’t sleep well every night in a week because I always sleep on the floor and woke up at least once or twice. Drinking a cup coffee in the morning was a must for me so I would have a good mood at the office. In the night, I slept when I felt really tired. I spend my energy by watching many videos/movies on Youtube or Netflix, or anything. The worst scenario was I had much time for thinking everything about a life which is increasing my anxiety. Meanwhile I couldn’t share anything about my thoughts to anyone because I don’t know who and how. Every night I was getting busy by scrolling all my contacts to find one who is possibly I contact by call or just text. Indeed, I didn’t get any chance to share all things.

Entah kenapa lagi pengen banget didengarkan, lagi pengen cerita banyak hal tentang rencana hidup dan apa yang telah gue lakukan untuk mencapainya (a deep conversation). I want to have many advice from them karena sesungguhnya gue ragu untuk maju/belok/mundur atau mungkin sebaiknya berhenti dulu. Nangis setiap malam was a bad idea karena jadi ada aja yang disambung-sambungin termasuk masalah hidup. Gue gak tau harus cerita ke siapa dan minta advice ke siapa. Gue yakin orang yang akan gue share punya masalah yang lebih berat dari gue bahkan kalau gue memposisikan diri gue di beberapa orang ini, gue yakin gue gak akan mampu. So, how I can be so mean asking them to hear my problem. Ya, tapi gue galau/gelisah gak jelas, bingung kan lo jadi gue.

Berharap ditanya “kenapa?” dan “ada apa?” itu jadi suatu hal yang impossible juga sih menurut gue. Sekian kalinya entah kenapa gue gak akan pernah mau memulai cerita ketika gak ada yang tanya atau kalaupun ketika memulai, dari responnya gue akan langsung bisa tau sebaiknya gue lanjut atau gak. Mungkin gue juga terlalu berekspektasi tinggi tentang responnya dimana gue selalu berharap respon yang gue berikan ke teman-teman yang bercerita ke gue sama seperti respon mereka terhadap cerita gue. I don’t know.

Well, balik lagi ke deep conversation …

Talk by phone atau ngobrol face-to-face kayaknya seru, but I don’t have any idea about who I can talk to. End of post :)